How can I help my son feel better about going to the doctor's office?
Q. I have four sons (20, 19, 18, & 15). The first three are all in college and I have only my 15 year old son, Andrew, at home. My son has had this fear of going to the doctor's office ever since he was 4 years old. When he was four he had swallowed a battery and we had to take him to the ER in order to get it removed through surgery (to this day I don't know where he got a battery from), so I understand why he is scared. Tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock, I am taking him to the doctors office for a physical tomorrow so we can turn in his papers for his school tennis team.
He has literally been under high anxiety about it for the past two weeks. He has gone from avoiding the subject of doctors to been in hysteria about going. He has already made the tennis team and we have everything else already done, so we can't back out from this now either.
Normally the only time we have had to take our kids into the doctor is if something is wrong and it can't be avoided. My husband tried talking to him about it, but he won't listen, and comes to me for comfort. He really wants me to hold him, which he hasn't necessarily wanted since he was 8, but I am doing it. And I keep telling him it will be alright, but he just rambles on about how it wont be. He keeps asking me what they will do to him, but I can't really answer that since I have never had a physical before anyways. What should I do to calm him down? And what will they do to him, just so I can tell him and reassure him that he will be fine? Thanks.
He has literally been under high anxiety about it for the past two weeks. He has gone from avoiding the subject of doctors to been in hysteria about going. He has already made the tennis team and we have everything else already done, so we can't back out from this now either.
Normally the only time we have had to take our kids into the doctor is if something is wrong and it can't be avoided. My husband tried talking to him about it, but he won't listen, and comes to me for comfort. He really wants me to hold him, which he hasn't necessarily wanted since he was 8, but I am doing it. And I keep telling him it will be alright, but he just rambles on about how it wont be. He keeps asking me what they will do to him, but I can't really answer that since I have never had a physical before anyways. What should I do to calm him down? And what will they do to him, just so I can tell him and reassure him that he will be fine? Thanks.
A. I mean this in the most respectful way, but I think there has been a lot of time for your son to recover from his fear. I do not mean that just time itself can heal fear, I know that childhood traumas can cause irrational fears in adults. What I mean is that there was plenty of time to associate pleasant or neutral thoughts about the doctors. Again, trying to be respectful, but you enable him by trying to avoid or confront his fear. A very casual visit to the doctor's office could have been done to lessen the fear associated to it. If you brought him with you for your checkups, or your other families checkups he could experience the doctor's without being the patient. From there you can bring him in for regular checkups, and from the experience of watching one, he may feel ready for it. He should also know that medical staff have well intentions for their patients, as evidence his very life was saved in the ER. I think if the event is too traumatic for him, you actually need to stop and give him some time. Let him experience the doctor's office from a different perspective, from the sidelines.
Luckily he is older now, so he is able to be reasoned with and he is able to articulate his feelings and your messages to him can change his negative emotions. Has an attempt been made to explain that the doctors have benevolent intentions? Does he disregard or disbelieve this notion? Does he cause a scene when you want to bring him to the doctors? Would he hurt medical staff? I think if he does any of these things, you need to hold off on the doctor visit and have him visit a therapist for him to work on his fear.
If he is more reasonable you can just explain to him that doctors do have benevolent intentions, and even if the checkup procedure is uncomfortable, it is not traumatic. Explain to him what the doctors will do during the checkup. Tell him they will check his eyes, and flash a bright light into them to see how the pupils react. They will check his ears, and mouth. They will listen to his heart, and his breathing. They will measure his height and weight. And you should probably tell him this too, a common practice for doctors is to do the "cough and drop" test. They will feel your sons testicles and ask him to cough.This could be frightening if your son doesn't know it is an actual procedure, or in unaware that it would happen. Tell him the procedure is to screen for hernias and tumours, as well as making sure the testicles have descended properly. Now you should start associating doctor's visits with a GOOD time. Bring him for a pleasant treat afterwards, ask him if he wants a special take out dinner, or if he wants to be dropped off at the movies with his friends, or even some extra allowance money. Whatever you do, don't increase his fear by enabling his fear, don't tell him his fear is "understandable". Yes you can understand why he is afraid, but the fear is still irrational. Unless if you have a reason to suspect your doctor's expertise or sanity, you should not be fearful of them.
Luckily he is older now, so he is able to be reasoned with and he is able to articulate his feelings and your messages to him can change his negative emotions. Has an attempt been made to explain that the doctors have benevolent intentions? Does he disregard or disbelieve this notion? Does he cause a scene when you want to bring him to the doctors? Would he hurt medical staff? I think if he does any of these things, you need to hold off on the doctor visit and have him visit a therapist for him to work on his fear.
If he is more reasonable you can just explain to him that doctors do have benevolent intentions, and even if the checkup procedure is uncomfortable, it is not traumatic. Explain to him what the doctors will do during the checkup. Tell him they will check his eyes, and flash a bright light into them to see how the pupils react. They will check his ears, and mouth. They will listen to his heart, and his breathing. They will measure his height and weight. And you should probably tell him this too, a common practice for doctors is to do the "cough and drop" test. They will feel your sons testicles and ask him to cough.This could be frightening if your son doesn't know it is an actual procedure, or in unaware that it would happen. Tell him the procedure is to screen for hernias and tumours, as well as making sure the testicles have descended properly. Now you should start associating doctor's visits with a GOOD time. Bring him for a pleasant treat afterwards, ask him if he wants a special take out dinner, or if he wants to be dropped off at the movies with his friends, or even some extra allowance money. Whatever you do, don't increase his fear by enabling his fear, don't tell him his fear is "understandable". Yes you can understand why he is afraid, but the fear is still irrational. Unless if you have a reason to suspect your doctor's expertise or sanity, you should not be fearful of them.
Chances of having a child with down syndrome/mental retardation?
Q. I am 21, the father is 39, I have a healthy 4 year old (different daddy) we are both healthy. I choose not to do the 20 week screening and now I am so scared something will be wrong with our baby, now I am 25 weeks and it is too late. Neither of us have down syndrome/mental retardation or any type of defects in our family (don't know if it matters). Have had 3 ultrasounds everything looks fine according to US tech. I would appreciate educated input.
A. Your chances are very slim, 1 in 3000 chance or so as far as your maternal age. The fathers age has nothing to do with it. As a woman gets older, her eggs dont function as they would when you are younger and that can allow room for genetic abnormalities when the genes are being split. Down syndrome has absolutely NOTHING to do with drinking or drugs while pregnant, I just want to make that clear for everyone, it is just something that can happen when the splitting of genes occur. Ultrasounds often times will show abnormalities such as shorter limbs, heart defects, and small head size. Im glad you didnt take the test though becuase they are often times innacurate and cause unneeded concern for the pregnant mother. But on a different note, I had an abnormal AFP for Down syndrome, I rejected the amnio test and my 20 month old son was born with DS, actually mosaic DS a rare form where only some of the cells have the extra 21st chromosome and not all. It is a milder form, but he does have some health issues that go along with it such as heart defects (2 heart surgeries to date) eye problems, and physical delays but overall he is doing great! He is in early intervention to help him reach milestones at a faster rate, he doesnt walk yet but he can sign over 25 words in ASL, he puts together small puzzles, and he is very bright. With early intervention, children with dissabilities can really reach their highest potential so if your baby was to be born with a dissability there is a lot of services and high hopes these days for our children. Dont worry about it and dont stress, if you ultrasound is fine, then Im sure your baby is fine. Even if he was born with a dissability it wouldnt be the end of the world, in fact it may be the biggest blessing of your life. Did you know 90% abort their baby after finding out it has DS, those people have quite possibly missed out on the most beautiful awesome thing in their life. I couldnt imagine life without my son, he is wonderful and very special. Good luck with your pregnancy! Take care of that little miracle inside you.
How will the following hender the normal development of ashley?
Q. By Lindsey Tanner, Associated Press
CHICAGO � In a case fraught with ethical questions, the parents of a severely mentally and physically disabled child have stunted her growth to keep their little "pillow angel" a manageable and more portable size.
ON DEADLINE: Debate the case, read family's blog
The bedridden 9-year-old girl had her uterus and breast tissue removed at a Seattle hospital and received large doses of hormones to halt her growth. She is now 4-foot-5; her parents say she would otherwise probably reach a normal 5-foot-6.
The case has captured attention nationwide and abroad via the Internet, with some decrying the parents' actions as perverse and akin to eugenics. Some ethicists question the parents' claim that the drastic treatment will benefit their daughter and allow them to continue caring for her at home.
University of Pennsylvania ethicist Art Caplan said the case is troubling and reflects "slippery slope" thinking among parents who believe "the way to deal with my kid with permanent behavioral problems is to put them into permanent childhood."
Right or wrong, the couple's decision highlights a dilemma thousands of parents face in struggling to care for severely disabled children as they grow up.
"This particular treatment, even if it's OK in this situation, and I think it probably is, is not a widespread solution and ignores the large social issues about caring for people with disabilities," Joel Frader, a doctor and medical ethicist at Chicago's Children's Memorial Hospital, said Thursday. "As a society, we do a pretty rotten job of helping caregivers provide what's necessary for these patients."
The case involves a girl identified only as Ashley on a blog her parents created after her doctors wrote about her treatment in October's Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine. The journal did not disclose the parents' names or where they live; the couple do not identify themselves on their blog, either.
Shortly after birth, Ashley had feeding problems and showed severe developmental delays. Her doctors diagnosed static encephalopathy, which means severe brain damage. They do not know what caused it.
Her condition has left her in an infant state, unable to sit up, roll over, hold a toy or walk or talk. Her parents say she will never get better. She is alert, startles easily, and smiles, but does not maintain eye contact, according to her parents, who call the brown-haired little girl their "pillow angel."
She goes to school for disabled children, but her parents care for her at home and say they have been unable to find suitable outside help.
An editorial in the medical journal called "the Ashley treatment" ill-advised and questioned whether it will even work. But her parents say it has succeeded so far.
She had surgery in July 2004 and recently completed the hormone treatment. She weighs about 65 pounds, and is about 13 inches shorter and 50 pounds lighter than she would be as an adult, according to her parents' blog.
"Ashley's smaller and lighter size makes it more possible to include her in the typical family life and activities that provide her with needed comfort, closeness, security and love: meal time, car trips, touch, snuggles, etc.," her parents wrote.
Also, Ashley's parents say keeping her small will reduce the risk of bedsores and other conditions that can afflict bedridden patients. In addition, they say preventing her from going through puberty means she won't experience the discomfort of periods or grow breasts that might develop breast cancer, which runs in the family.
"Even though caring for Ashley involves hard and continual work, she is a blessing and not a burden," her parents say. Still, they write, "Unless you are living the experience ... you have no clue what it is like to be the bedridden child or their caregivers."
Caplan questioned how preventing normal growth could benefit the patient. Treatment that is not for a patient's direct benefit "only seems wrong to me," the ethicist said.
Douglas Diekema, a doctor and ethicist at Children's Hospital and Regional Medical Center in Seattle, where Ashley was treated, said he met with the parents and became convinced they were motivated by love and the girl's best interests.
Diekema said he was mainly concerned with making sure the little girl would actually benefit and not suffer any harm from the treatment. She did not, and is doing well, he said.
"The more her parents can be touching her and caring for her ... and involving her in family activities, the better for her," he said. "The parents' argument was, 'If she's smaller and lighter, we will be able to do that for a longer period of time.'"
Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
CHICAGO � In a case fraught with ethical questions, the parents of a severely mentally and physically disabled child have stunted her growth to keep their little "pillow angel" a manageable and more portable size.
ON DEADLINE: Debate the case, read family's blog
The bedridden 9-year-old girl had her uterus and breast tissue removed at a Seattle hospital and received large doses of hormones to halt her growth. She is now 4-foot-5; her parents say she would otherwise probably reach a normal 5-foot-6.
The case has captured attention nationwide and abroad via the Internet, with some decrying the parents' actions as perverse and akin to eugenics. Some ethicists question the parents' claim that the drastic treatment will benefit their daughter and allow them to continue caring for her at home.
University of Pennsylvania ethicist Art Caplan said the case is troubling and reflects "slippery slope" thinking among parents who believe "the way to deal with my kid with permanent behavioral problems is to put them into permanent childhood."
Right or wrong, the couple's decision highlights a dilemma thousands of parents face in struggling to care for severely disabled children as they grow up.
"This particular treatment, even if it's OK in this situation, and I think it probably is, is not a widespread solution and ignores the large social issues about caring for people with disabilities," Joel Frader, a doctor and medical ethicist at Chicago's Children's Memorial Hospital, said Thursday. "As a society, we do a pretty rotten job of helping caregivers provide what's necessary for these patients."
The case involves a girl identified only as Ashley on a blog her parents created after her doctors wrote about her treatment in October's Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine. The journal did not disclose the parents' names or where they live; the couple do not identify themselves on their blog, either.
Shortly after birth, Ashley had feeding problems and showed severe developmental delays. Her doctors diagnosed static encephalopathy, which means severe brain damage. They do not know what caused it.
Her condition has left her in an infant state, unable to sit up, roll over, hold a toy or walk or talk. Her parents say she will never get better. She is alert, startles easily, and smiles, but does not maintain eye contact, according to her parents, who call the brown-haired little girl their "pillow angel."
She goes to school for disabled children, but her parents care for her at home and say they have been unable to find suitable outside help.
An editorial in the medical journal called "the Ashley treatment" ill-advised and questioned whether it will even work. But her parents say it has succeeded so far.
She had surgery in July 2004 and recently completed the hormone treatment. She weighs about 65 pounds, and is about 13 inches shorter and 50 pounds lighter than she would be as an adult, according to her parents' blog.
"Ashley's smaller and lighter size makes it more possible to include her in the typical family life and activities that provide her with needed comfort, closeness, security and love: meal time, car trips, touch, snuggles, etc.," her parents wrote.
Also, Ashley's parents say keeping her small will reduce the risk of bedsores and other conditions that can afflict bedridden patients. In addition, they say preventing her from going through puberty means she won't experience the discomfort of periods or grow breasts that might develop breast cancer, which runs in the family.
"Even though caring for Ashley involves hard and continual work, she is a blessing and not a burden," her parents say. Still, they write, "Unless you are living the experience ... you have no clue what it is like to be the bedridden child or their caregivers."
Caplan questioned how preventing normal growth could benefit the patient. Treatment that is not for a patient's direct benefit "only seems wrong to me," the ethicist said.
Douglas Diekema, a doctor and ethicist at Children's Hospital and Regional Medical Center in Seattle, where Ashley was treated, said he met with the parents and became convinced they were motivated by love and the girl's best interests.
Diekema said he was mainly concerned with making sure the little girl would actually benefit and not suffer any harm from the treatment. She did not, and is doing well, he said.
"The more her parents can be touching her and caring for her ... and involving her in family activities, the better for her," he said. "The parents' argument was, 'If she's smaller and lighter, we will be able to do that for a longer period of time.'"
Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
A. Personally, I think that the parents reasoning is a slippery slope. I know how difficult these decisions are from a personal perspective. But I think such treatment may be against the person's best interests and would not ensure the outcome the parents envisioned. Despite their having the best intentions, I would not advocate this treatment mostly for fear of unforeseen repercussions to the person and fear that it would not accomplish the goal I sought.
Is 20/400 vision as a 15 year old female considered bad?
Q. I am 15 years old with an impaired vision of 20/400 but with glasses I am 20/20. I started having bad vision when I was 10 but I was only a little bit bad. In the past year and a half I have gone up 2 steps (from 350 to 400) so I was wondering if that was bad? And if I keep going at this rate by the time I am, let's say 25, will I be legally blind?
A. Unless you have something wrong, eyes may stabilize at any point, variations of + or - of a quarter of a diopter are very frequent and are simply reflections of a slight change.
.50 is half a diopter, but that doesn't mean you will go blind, and you are correctable to 20/20 so its not really so awful.
If it really bothers you then think about lasik surgery, you sound like the kind of problem thats easy to cure with that.
A -4.00 just means you are quite nearsighted. But I've seen people with much worse.
.50 is half a diopter, but that doesn't mean you will go blind, and you are correctable to 20/20 so its not really so awful.
If it really bothers you then think about lasik surgery, you sound like the kind of problem thats easy to cure with that.
A -4.00 just means you are quite nearsighted. But I've seen people with much worse.
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Title Post: How can I help my son feel better about going to the doctor's office?
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